The Orange Card's 2008 Superliga Preview

Ahhhh yes its July and to American soccer fans that means the oppressive heat has returned to the east coast, MLS games are slowing down to a crawling pace, and the 2nd edition of Superliga is right around the corner. Last years tournament featured games with passion not really found in many MLS games, and that helped suck in a legion of MLS fans to this young fledgling tournament and turn it into something special. Theres two new teams representing the two leagues on either side and one of those MLS teams (the Revs) actually has a chance to win it this year. So lets not waste anymore time and delve right into The Orange Card's 2008 Superliga preview.

1. The Return of Captain Douche Sparrow - As much as I want to hate on Miguel Calero for looking like a giant douchy pirate with that bandana he wears, the man knows how to play the goalkeeping position the way it should be played. Many times during last years tournament he saved Pachuca and led them to become the eventual champions. As much as I admire his goalkeeping skills I cant get over the bandana. cmon man.........stop wearing that shit already, you look foolish.

2. No Dero 4 U? - There's been a rumor going around that Dwayne Derosario could be on his way to FC Copenhagen in Denmark soon. That would probably mean he'd be yanked away during Superliga which would suck for Houston fans because their team is already anemic when it comes to scoring goals. They need Dero there to score.......I mean after all, who on the Dynamo can pull holy shit kicks out of their ass like he can:

3. DCU Is Entering Competition 1,300 of 5,000 - Seriously the schedule for DC United this season is ridiculous and for their sake I would hope they focus one trophy and try to go for it because theres no way they're winning multiple silverware this season. They should look at Superliga as the best chance they have to win some silverware this season and gain some cash to help pay ultra-high rent they pay to turn the lights on at RFK every Saturday. They really don't have the depth to win multiple cups..........I mean who are they gonna bring off the bench, Cordiero and Quavas Kirk? I've played people better than them at Chelsea Piers for godsakes....on a side note I really hope Quavas Kirk legally changes his first name to something that doesn't sound like an outer lying planet in the Star Wars universe.

4. The Revs Could Take It All - It pains me to say this because I always enjoy the Revs being the Buffalo Bills of MLS every year in everything, but I think they could take the Superliga this year. In my opinion the Revs have the most depth in the league with Khano Smith(he sucks but he would be a starter on any other MLS team), Wells Thompson, Kenny Mansally, and lets not forget Taylor Twellman. Let's hope the Revs step up to the challenge, and dont pull a Tony Romo and drop the ball (Seattle fans love that moment but he ultimately gets the last laugh cuz he's banging Jessica Simpson and you're not).

5. "We're Pachuca, all your titles are belong to us" - If you get this title then yes, you are probably a nerd like myself but I digress. That quote should become Pachuca's new club slogan because they have been anally dominating every competition they have entered in like the past 2.5 years. I mean the only regional tournament they haven't won during that competition is like the goddamn Miss USA pageant...........although I think Calero could give John Edward a run for his money in the "Biggest Douche in the Universe" Competition (I cant help myself....I really cant.......the bandana is too much):

- So there you have it......that's our preview for this years Superliga..............if I had to go with a pick for who's goin to win I'd have to say I'm gonna take the Red Wings in 7 games. Let us know who you think is gonna win.......or who's gonna suck it big time in year 2 of Superliga.

Breaking News! The Galaxy Suck, And Pete Vagenas Really Sucks; But You Probably Already Knew That

In what was probably no surprise to anyone, the Galaxy lost last night to Pachuca in the finals of the Superliga. What was surprising though, was that the Galaxy actually put up a fight without David Beckham on the field, and managed to push Pachuca to their limit. Now on to the shitty players..............Pete "sand in his" Vagenas is someone I really have nothing to say about, as he has just been that awful whenever he plays. How he is still in MLS nobody really knows as he belongs in some indoor sunday league somewhere, where he can score nicely on his own goal as much as he wants. What was good for the Galaxy was the play of Cobi Jones when he got into the game, which leads to the question of why isnt he starting for such a shitty shitty team? Honestly Frank Yallop, how do you not justify this guy being in the starting eleven over Pete Vaginas? And the final last thing that needs to be said about this game, is about Landon Donovans stupid mating ritual or whatever the fuck it is he does before games in PK's. Im pretty sure if you look closely at the replay, that it took him so long to do his fuckin raindance before the PK that his foot actually fell asleep causing him to hit a bad PK. Im just sayin.......tone down the choreography and take that shit already..................Oh, and one last note............Calero looks like a giant bag of douche, but you really cant hate on him with a performance like that last night.........meh. you probably still can. hes a douche.

Half Of Galaxy's Roster Injured; Surprisingly They Cant Play Any Shittier

Heading into wednesday's Superliga final, the packed house(12,500) at the Home Depot Center should be excited to watch the Galaxy and their full compliment of development players get blasted off the field by the Tuzos from south of the border, as the only decent players on their team are walking around with various injuries. Fortunately for Galaxy fans, with the way they have been playing lately they cant get any worse........can they? Time will only tell......so tune into Telefutura at 11PM ET on wednesday to see how badly they get obliterated. My guess? I think the score will resemble something like that 30 run beat down the Texas Rangers put on the Orioles not too long ago. I can only wish........

Houston Loses, as Ngwenya's Brain Melts During PK

Joseph Ngwenya's PK was so bad it almost ruined a great game for me. Almost. At least he wasnt as bad as this guy. Hopefully for that man's sake he never plays the game ever again. May god have mercy on his soul.

Becks Delivers, Perkins Poops Pants

Becks scored one on a FK, and assisted on a Donovan goal. Troy Perkins' face after the first Becks strike was hilarious, as was the look he had when Becks was lining up for another. While Beckham's goal was nice, in my opinion Derosario's off the face goal should be the goal of the week based on creativity alone.